I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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