i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize