I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize