We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize