Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
