Got a toothbrush?
Do you still have your period?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
