So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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