I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
