You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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