i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
