and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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