I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
