Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
