my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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