They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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