I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
