Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
