I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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