I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
