I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
