im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize