i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
