1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
