the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
