so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The beer is more important than you right now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
