We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
