If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
