MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have already put on my inside pants.
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