Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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