HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
