I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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