come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
