Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
