God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
