They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
