I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the liver wants what the liver wants
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
