If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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