I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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