Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
