Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We left the knife in your bed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
