She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
