for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
