I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
