Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just googled if crying burns calories
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
