We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
