wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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