just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
