Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
