I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i dont even know how to be here
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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