he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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