Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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