i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize