So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he puts the penis in happiness.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
