My cat gives me a boner
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
