Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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