If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
