We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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